#3002
Grandpa Fishibus: Danblange yunguns!
Date: 09/14/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
Turning me into a fish! And putting the fish in my body! I bet he's doing all kinds of smelly fishy things to it! And another thing.......
STG: Shutup, shutup, SHUTUP!!!!! You're just like that damn Cow. Whereber the hell he is....
Mafia Guy Appearing out of nowhere: What talking cow? You didn't see no talking cow. There is no talking cow. See? (Goes back to from whence he came)
STG: Odd. Now, old dude, I should warn you, I...old dude? Old dude?????
Grandpa Fishibus: .......
STG: Oh dear Lord, no!!!!!! I killed Grandma Motrinbus!!!!!
Grandpa Fishibus: .....
STG: What'll I do? What'll I do...(smells) EWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!! No wonders no one hangs out with me willingly anymore! Well, you have a date with the toilet....
(Later....at a Not Le McDonalds in Not Paris)
STG: A few words....Salmon was my very bestest friend, way bester than that damn groundhog, and that duck.....wow, what's with me and the talking animals?
(There's a knock on the door)
Fine Food Conniseur: Hey, look buddy. I feels for yur fish! But I need the can!
STG: Just give me another minute! I'm in mourning!
Fine Food Conniseur: Yeah, and you'll be's in traction in a minut.
STG: Fine! *flush* (STG leaves the bathroom and wanders aimlessly through the streets) All alone. I'm all alone.......Hey, maybe I can get into GROPE now that I don't smell like a fish! Yeah! I'll....no, wait....
MickeyTheGardener
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
President of the John Lee Supertaster Fan Club
Post Narc x4
FLUSH!
GREEN LIGHT
#3003
Meanwhile, at the apartment...
Date: 09/16/2003
From: wurwolf
wurwolf: This is wonderful, we finally have our place back to ourselves. Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh......
Schmoe <rummaging through the shelves in the kitchen>: Goddamnit, they took everything there was to eat! We have no food left in the house. What happened to the big ass box of macaroni & cheese that we bought at BJ's?
wurwolf: Torrrrrrk ate it all. Don't even ask about all the cans of soup we had -- you *know* who ate that. Stupid Litas!
Schmoe: Riiiiiiiiight.... You are so clueless, babe. Well, on the bright side, GROPE left a lot of their dishes and stuff behind. Now, we have forks and spoons and not just knives. And bowls!
wurwolf: There you go, use a bowl to have some cereal. It's the best thing in the world for you.
Schmoe: Well, I guess.... there's really nothing else to eat. They left behind one of those fancy little pitchers, too. We can keep our milk in it.
wurwolf: Oh, neat.
Schmoe: Yeah, it's cute. It's in the shape of a little cow and milk comes out of its mouth. You have to put the milk in via its mouth, too, which I think is a design flaw...... What's wrong? Why are you staring at me like that?
wurwolf: OMIGOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<wulfie runs to the fridge and throws open the door>
wurwolf: It's Cow!!!!!!!!!!
Schmoe: Oh, for f*ck's sake....
Cow: Please, help mooe!
wurwolf: You poor thing! You must be frozen stiff!
Cow: No, it's not that. I'moo able to withstand cold temooperatures, being ceramooic and all. But I'moo going to crack fromoo all this mooilk in mooe! I'moo not a vase!
wurwolf: Jeez, Schmoe, how did you not know that this was Cow? Have a little respect.
Schmoe: C'mon, it's a f*cking figurine.
Cow & wurwolf: HEY!!!!
Cow: Mooaybe you should have guessed I wasn't a mooilk pitcher when I was yelling while you were pouring mooilk down mooy throat?
Schmoe: Whatever. Now what am I going to do for milk for my cereal?
wurwolf: Maybe Cow can throw up on it. Whooooo! High five, Cow!
Cow: I'moo going to leave you hanging.
wurwolf: Dang.
wurwolf
Bonhead #3
fs!!
Green light.... I guess. I don't have any big plans for this story line right now.
#3004
Driving along...
Date: 09/16/2003
From: Carmelita9000
...........................................................
<Lita and Evil Mike are in Spidey.>
Lita: Is it just me or did Pharaoh Manboobs just threaten to shoot us again?
EM: Both.
Lita: Both?
EM: He threatened to shoot us and it's because of you.
Lita: Shut up.
EM: You shut up.
<Lita and Evil Mike drive along in silence for a minute>
Lita: I should write PM a letter and tell him how I feel. He knows I don't like getting shot at. That's emotional abuse, you know.
EM: ...
Lita: Evil Mike?
EM: That's a stupid idea. Also, I thought we were shutting up now.
Lita: Evil Mike,
EM: Is it emotional abuse that you keep talking when I don't want to hear it?
Lita: <getting pissed off> I'll abuse you, all right!
EM: That's what I'm saying! You keep telling me to treat people the way I want to be treated, but you're not following your own rules! You keep talking!
Lita: But... that is following my rules because I want you to talk to me.
<God only knows why...>
Lita: Narrator, I'll thank you to keep your editorial comments to yourself.
<Sorry>
Lita: Evil Mike, I was wondering...
EM: What is it now?
Lita: Quit being a jerk before I strangle you to death for the love of PETE!!!
EM: Pete? Who's Pete? Have you been hanging around some guy named Pete?
Lita: Evil Mike, I wanted to ask you--
EM: Who is this Pete guy? I'll teach him not to go around loving other people's girlfriends! He's gonna learn a lesson!
Lita: Evil Mike.
EM: What?
Lita: You finished?
EM: I guess so.
Lita: Can I ask you my question or are we going to stretch this reply for another 3 useless pages?
EM: What reply?
Lita: I'm going to ask you my question now.
EM: Fine. Ask your stupid question.
Lita: So you were a rabbit, huh?
EM: Yes.
Lita: What was that like?
EM: Ok, I guess. Except I had the biggest urge to strap explosives to myself...
<Such a shame he didn't follow that impulse-- ARRGH!! Lita! Where did you get that gun? You never had a gun before!!>
Lita: I never had a mouthy narrator before.
<I'm sorry! Lita! Stop poining that gun at me! I won't do it again!>
Lita: <Thankfully putting the gun away> You shouldn't want to blow up bunnies, Evil Mike.
EM: We all have our own ways to relieve stress... speaking of which...
Lita: Yes?
EM: I'm nude.
Lita: I noticed. I guess your clothes are still on the floor of MSTBlanca.
EM: You noticed? Why didn't you say anything?
Lita: I thought you knew.
EM: Of course I knew! But what about your irresistable attraction to me? Because I'm nude!
Lita: It's not that irresistable. Besides, being told to shut up isn't much of a turn on, Evil Ass.
EM: What if I said, <he grins endearingly> "Shut up and kiss me, Baby!"
<Lita pauses to consider this, and then takes her eyes off the road for a minute... Here's some music to listen to to keep you occupied until we get back to the action:>
o/`
<Evil Mike glances at the view outside>
EM: Ack! Lita! Eyes on the road!
Lita: Huh? <she looks where she's driving. She sees the Thunderbird II coming right at Spidey! Or maybe Spidey is headed right for the Thunderbird II. Either way...> OH SHI--
CRAAAAAAAAAASSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!1111111!1!1!!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
Figgy's alive! Yay!
Green Light
#3005
The adventures of Torky and MickeyMoose
Date: 09/17/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
Torky: And now, here's something I hope...
MickeyMoose: Hey Torky! Watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat!
Torky: Again?
MickeyMoose: Nothing up my sleeve...
Torky: Nothing in your head...
MickeyMoose: Presto! Uh....
Lord KFB Cow: Hey put mooe back! It's freezing out here!
Mickeymoose: Gotta get me a new hat...
MTG etc
#3006
Snake: So the dude was all like
Date: 09/18/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
At least dissenfect the knife first, it's all covered in germs. And I'm all like, dude it doesn't matter where you're going.
Tork: Ha ha, lol, laugh riot, please don't kill me.
Snake: Relax, robodude. This is a sweet ride. (Turns on the radio) Alright! Future chick!
Tork: You...you like Nuveena?
Snake: Oh yeah! She like totally speaks to me, you know...right here.
Tork: Really? Me too!
Snake: I've even got this bitching tatoo of her killing Bridget Jones! Wanna see?
Tork: Uh....oka...wait, what are you doing? I meant you could show me later!
Snake: WHOA!!!! Giant spider!!!
Tork: I knew that thing was trouble....
Snake: Mommy!!!
Tork: Nuvee...
*CRASSSSSSHHHHHH******
Tork: Wow, the blood coming out of Bridget came out nice....
Snake: That's me bleeding.
Tork: Oh.
Snake: I hope you have giant spider insurance, dude.
Tork: What sane person wouldn't?
(Evil Mike and Lita get out of Spidey to inspect the damage)
Evil Mike: Uh oh...Tork's gonna be pissed. Wanna make out on the hood?
Lita: Hush you. Poor Spidey!!! You were too beautiful for this world!
(Tork and Snake get out of the Thunderbird II)
Tork: Oh lita! I'm so glad you're alive!
Evil Mike: Stop being so glad my girl's alive! (/a punches Tork)
Lita: Evil Mike! (Lita looks at Snake) Who are you?
Snake: I'm a car thief, duh.
Tork: He isn't all bad.
Snake: See you at Nuveena Con 'o4?
Tork: You know it buddy!!!
Snake: (Leaves)
Tork: (Whispers to Lita) I never want to see that bad man again.
(Meanwhile)
Mickey: Uhhhh....I can't believe I ate that whole thing.....
MickeyTGardener
BBoard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
President of the John Lee Supertaster Fan Club
Post Narc x4
Tee hee! I'm gonna Xerox my ass!!
#3007
Welcome to Australia!
Date: 09/18/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
GREEN LIGHT!!!
#3008
Lita: Well *sniff* Spidey's dead!
Date: 09/22/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
Evil Mike: No he's not, quit your whining.
Lita: Evil Mike, you uncaring bastard! I don't know about you, but when I see a belly up spider, I think it's kaput!
Tork: Yeah, that's how I like to see them.
Lita: Shutup! You're not helping!!!
Tork: Well what about my car? I happen to think my car was pretty darn spiffy too! Now it's totaled! No more Nuveena radio....
Evil Mike: Spidey's just resting. He does that all the time.
Tork: No more Nuveena horn....
Lita: Resting? RESTING???? I know Spidey resting...THIS isn't Spidey resting!!!!
Tork: No more Nuveena air freshner...
Lita: TORK J. TORQUE! SHUTUP!!!! Air Freshener?
Tork: Fresh scent of the future.
Lita: Oh...well, shutup!
Evil Mike: I'll wake him up if you don't believe me!
Lita: Go ahead Mr. Smart Ass.
Tork: J? The hell?
Evil Mike: Fine! I will!! (Crawls under Spidey and starts moving him around, speaking in a high pitched voice) Hi, I'm Spidey! I'm fine! Don't worry about me!
Lita: Oh geez....
Evil Mike: (High pitched voice) I just want to rest is all. Boy, Evil Mike sure has a huge penis!
Lita: Now cut that out!!!!
Evil Mike: (Gets out from under Spidey) Heh heh..
Tork: Why would Spidey say that?
(Just then, Mickey joins the group)
Mickey: Geez Tork! Where the hell you been? I've been looking all over for you!
Lita: Hi Mickey.
Mickey: Hello. Are your fingers broken young man? Can't you use a phone? Man, what happened to your car?
Lita: Spidey's dead too! Make him undead!
Mickey: He's probably just resting.
Evil Mike: See? It's unanimous! Now call a cab and let's go home.
Lita: Spidey is not resting, damn it!!!!
Evil Mike: Well not if you wake him up with all that yelling, he isn't. Now let's go, it's hot out here!
Mickey: There's a garage just a couple miles from here. I'll call for a tow truck.
Lita: That's fine for Tork's car, but what about my Spidey???
Evil Mike: Orkin Man! (Lita starts punching Evil Mike) Owww!!!!
Mickey: Maybe PM has some more of that Life 2 stuff. It worked last time we were in this situation. (Gets out his cell phone and starts dialing)
(On the other end of the phone)
PM's VoiceMachine: Hello, you've reached PHARAOHPHONE. I'm too busy to come to the phone right now, so please use this helpful automated system.
Mickey: Pick up the phone, PM. I know you're there!
Voicemachine: If you'd like me to make a personal appearance at your villainous act's crime scene, press 1. If you'd like to join me and my qualified group of henchmen...Buffalo, stop eating that tablecloth...press 2. If you're calling about the waterbed, press 3. If you're those bastards who didn't invite me to my high school reunion, you're day of reckoning is coming.....
Mickey: Farrahfawcett Mobius pick up the damn phone!!!!!
PM: Hello Mickey.
Mickey: Finally.....
Tork: Ask him about the waterbed....
MickeyTGardener
BBoard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
President of the John Lee Supertaster Fan Club
Post Narc x4
Let's kill Mr. Peabody!!
YELLOW LIGHT
#3009
(Mickey hangs up the phone)
Date: 09/23/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
Lita: .......well?? How is it?
Mickey: He'll deliver the waterbed on Wednesday.
Tork: Yes!
Lita: About Spidey?
Mickey: Oh yeah...something about he'll give us the life 2 and something about spending the night in a haunted house.
Lita: H...h...haunted? Well...I guess the four of us could...
Mickey: Four of us? He never said anything about an us. Just a you. And maybe a him. (Poins to EM)
Lita: Eeeep!
Tork: Relax! I used to own a haunted house. They aren't so bad (Mickey whispers something to Tork) Ohhh...Nice knowing you.
Mickey: Oh don't listen to Tork. You won't get killed. Probably. Maybe. (Gets out the phone) Hello? Yeah? Can I get a tow truck out here? We're...ummm.....
Lita: Nowhere
Mickey: Nowhere....hey, we're in luck, he knows where that is. Uh huh, yeah? Ok! Bye! (Hangs up) I never go anywhere without my cell phone.
Tork: Why does the label on it say "Property of Dumbschmoe"?
Mickey: Ummm...it's my college nickname.
Mickey T Gardener
BBoard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
President of the John Lee Supertaster Fan Club
Post Narc x4
Let's make Mr. Peabodykabobs!
GREEN LIGHT!
#3010
Lita: A haunted house??
Date: 09/23/2003
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
Mickey: No, Lita. You have to say it all spooky, like this: "Aaaaaa Haaaaunted Hooouuuuuse!" <as he says this he waggles his fingers at Lita in what is apparently supposed to be a spooky way>
Lita: With real ghosts?
Mickey: Yeah! Doesn't it sound fun?
Lita: No! I don't want to hang out with any stinky ghosts!!
***
<Meanwhile at the haunted house...>
Trio: That bitch! She made Eleven-Bob cry!
Eleven-Bob: *sob*
Decimus: He can't help the stench! He has a hormone imbalance!
Siete: That, and he's still rotting.
Decimus: Yeah, that'll do it.
Skully: <rolls into the room> So are we gonna have that kegger or what?
***
<Without explaining how the ghosts knew what Lita was talking about, let's get back to our friends stuck on the road by Spidey.>
Mickey: You *have* to stay in Aaaaaa Haaaaunted Hooouuuuuse! If you don't then PM won't help us bring Spidey back to life.
Lita: Screw PM and his jerky side quests! I'm not staying in any haunted house!
Mickey: It's Aaaaaa Haaaaunt--
EM: If you say that one more time I am going to punch you.
Lita: Hey! He warned you this time! He's getting better!
Mickey: But what about Spidey? I thought you wanted him to not be dead!
Lita: <open's Spidey's door and pulls a box of tools out> Evil Mike will fix Spidey.
Mickey: But Spidey's a living... Well... He used to be a living creature!
Lita: He's also a car. Evil Mike, get to work.
<Evil Mike digs through the toolbox and tries to look busy>
Tork: Can Evil Mike fix my car too?
Lita: No way!
Tork: But it's a car!
Lita: Yes. But Spidey was a living creature. There's such a big difference between the two.
Mickey: By the way. Why is Evil Mike nude?
Tork: Ohmygosh!! He is!! <Tork turns red and covers his face with his hands>
Lita: Why do you care?
Mickey: Because he's nude.
EM: Wow, Mickey. You're so observant to notice.
Lita: Evil Mike is nude because PM is a rotten filthy pants stealer. All right?
EM: Yeah, Mickey. And I know it totally turns you on, but I wish you'd quit checking me out.
Mickey: I wasn't checking you out! You just wish I was checking you out! Because you have a crush on me I bet!
EM: I don't have a crush on you! You're just projecting your own feelings for me onto me! Because you like dudes!
Mickey: I don't like dudes! You're just--
Lita: Yes, yes, yes. I'm sure you're both huge homosexuals. Now quit making out with each other for five minutes and fix Spidey!
Mickey: Geez, Lita! What's your problem?
EM: Yeah. Mickey and I always fight with each other. It's a big macho male bonding thing.
Tork: <still hiding his eyes behind his hands> *giggle* Yeah, I bet you two are into male bonding because you're so g-- <He gets hit by both Evil Mike and Mickey at the same time. This could be a first; Evil Mike and Mickey were united in something!> Ow!
Lita: Oh... I don't know what my problem is... *sniff* Maybe it's that Evil Mike and I have been missing for like MONTHS and you guys didn't even notice we were gone!!! And then we finally get back and you guys can't say "Hello" or "I missed you" or anything because you don't even care!!! *sob* And you forgot my birthday... *choke* and... and... annnd... WAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!1!1!1!!
<Lita climbs into Spidey's carcass and slams his door behind her. The three men remain outside, baffled.>
Tork: What was that all about?
Mickey: I said "hello" to her!
Tork: <still with his hands over his face> What happened? Where did she go?
Mickey: She's in Spidey.
Tork: Was she wearing her Bitch Crown?
Mickey: Nope.
Tork: Should we go in there and talk to her?
Mickey: Yeah, I think we should--
EM: <Putting an arm out to block them> Trust me on this one, you don't want to go in there.
Mickey and Tork: Oh...
<Evil Mike, Tork, and Mickey, having nothing else to do, continue to stand around, leaning against Spidey>
EM: *derisive snort* Litas, huh?
Mickey and Tork: Yeah. *derisive snort* Litas.
EM: So Tork. You're scared of spiders, huh?
Tork: <*still* covering his eyes> Yeah...
EM: So Tork. You're leaning up against the gigantic rotting corpse of a ravenous man-eating giant spider, huh?
Tork: <He jumps forward in surprise> AHHHHHHH!!1!11!!! I thought I was leaning on the Thunderbird II
EM: Heh...
Mickey: Hmph. Litas.
Tork and EM: Yeah.
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
I can throw a temper tantrum if I want!
Linguo IS dead!
Green Light
#3011
(ot)Hot damn! I love Travis's cover of
Date: 09/25/2003
From: MickeyTheGardener
Britney's "Baby one More Time"
It's done live, and they are so obviously drunk off their asses. The rest of the bands singing backup, and their doing girl voices and really getting into it, and the lead singers trying not to laugh (And he fails at one poin in the song). If you can find it, get it! Talk about high comedy!!!
What's this have to do with MST3K? Ummm...well, Travis is Scottish, and uh.....so is Crow. Really!
MickeyTGardener
BBoard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
President of the John Lee Supertaster Fan Club
Post Narc x4
I'll take the high road and ye take the low road, and I'll be in Scotland before ye
#3012
(back at Batwoman's place)
Date: 10/01/2003
From: Tork_110
<Lita6969 is giggling.>
Lita42: What's so funny?
Lita6969: Pooduck is so cute.
Lita42: Yeah, he sure is. Have you seen him?
Lita6969: <giggle> How can I miss him?
Lita42: What do you mean?
<Lita6969 poins at Pooduck, who has a familiar garment in his mouth.>
Lita42: Huh? Is that... my panties!!!
<Lita6969 giggles some more.>
Lita42: Come here, Pooduck. That's it. Stay right there...COME BACK HERE!! Don't stand there, 6969. Help me!
<The Litas chase after the mischevous poodle/duck.>
#3013
Later by the side of the road...
Date: 10/01/2003
From: Carmelita9000
...........................................................
<Evil Mike and Mickey are leaning on Spidey. Tork is sitting on the ground with his hands over his eyes.>
The guys: Litas!
Lita: What?
The guys: Aaagh!!
Lita: So. You guys fixed Spidey yet?
Tork: Lita! When did you get here?
Lita: Duh. I've *been* here.
EM: But you were sitting in Spidey because you were mad at us!
Lita: I wasn't mad at you guys! You're my buddies!
Mickey: Excuse me, you were.
Lita: Was not.
Mickey: You were.
Lita: Fine. Have it your way, Assbutts.
Tork: Actually, you don't have to be mad at us if you don't want to.
Lita: Good! Because I want to know if you guys fixed Spidey yet! Like I asked!
EM: No...
Lita: Well what in the heck have you knuckleknobs been doing for all this time?
The guys: <flashing back to the last hour and a half of saying "Litas!" over and over in a snotty pissed-off tone> Nothing!
Lita: What a surprise...
Mickey: Lita, I don't know what you expected us to do. We told you that we need PM's help to fix Spidey.
Lita: We do not. Evil Mike can fix Spidey if he'll ever get off his lazy fat ASS!
EM: Do it yourself. You're as good at fixing Spidey as I am. <Lita gives Evil Mike a grouchy look> Litas...
Mickey: Look. All we have to do is stay in Aaaaaa Haaaaunted Hooouuuuuse(!) for one night and we're set! What's so hard about that? It'll be fun!
Lita: Where is this alleged "Haaaaunted Hooouuuuuse(!)" anyway?
Mickey: Um. You know. Over there. A ways.
Lita: And how do you propose we get there?
Mickey: Oh, we'll just take Spi-- um. Ok, we'll just take Tork's car-- er... no...
Lita: I have an idea! Why don't you call PM back and tell him to fix Spidey first, and *then* we'll stay in his plehhy haunted house. Doesn't that make way more sense?
Mickey: No.
Lita: Do it anyway.
Mickey: What am I? Your slave?
Lita: Have you been taking attitude lessons from Evil Mike?
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
Green Light
#3014
<holding a video camera on himself>
Date: 10/02/2003
From: Tuckers_Brother
TB: I've been trapped in this deli for too long with SuperstarSparky, Robo_Pimp_Daddy and Rimmer. I can't take it any longer. I may have to tear up the fabric of time, space, and rpg continuity to bust out of here but I will risk it for the sake of sanity. <turns camera to Rimmer, SS and RPD who are chatting over provolone.> They appear to be a lost cause and I may have to leave them behind...... well maybe I can snag Robo_Pimp_Daddy on my way out.
RPD: Provolone is a great cheese! It's so much better than swiss.
Rim: I love swiss!
SS: You are both wrong. Try a slice of cheddar on your ham and cheese next time. You'll see I know what I'm talking about.
TB: <returns to group> Guys, I think April's gone. In fact I think she's been gone for months now. We are totally being left out of the rpg and it's all Rimmi's fault. Let's just split.
RPD: I've grown very attached to Rimmi. She is my everything.
SS: Plus she's really hot.
TB: Warren! How can you say those things? You're whole thing is that you hate woman. Now you love Rimmi?
RPD: Well she is telling the story so I decided not to fight it. I love her and she loves me until her next obsession comes along. I will kill her then and only then but in the meantime I will follow her like a lost puppy.
TB: Crap. Well this is just great. Jonathan, do you wanna get out of here?
SS: I guess but I can't think of anywhere to go. I got lost in the story while admiring Rimmi's hottitude.
TB: Then stay! All of you just stay. *I* and going to intrude on Tork's storyline whether he likes it or not!!!
#3015
<Finds Tork, Lita and the rest>
Date: 10/02/2003
From: Tuckers_Brother
TB: <Video camera still on himself> I caught up with their last moments. Here:
"Mickey: Look. All we have to do is stay in Aaaaaa Haaaaunted Hooouuuuuse(!) for one night and we're set! What's so hard about that? It'll be fun!
Lita: Where is this alleged "Haaaaunted Hooouuuuuse(!)" anyway?
Mickey: Um. You know. Over there. A ways.
Lita: And how do you propose we get there?
Mickey: Oh, we'll just take Spi-- um. Ok, we'll just take Tork's car-- er... no...
Lita: I have an idea! Why don't you call PM back and tell him to fix Spidey first, and *then* we'll stay in his plehhy haunted house. Doesn't that make way more sense?
Mickey: No.
Lita: Do it anyway.
Mickey: What am I? Your slave?
Lita: Have you been taking attitude lessons from Evil Mike?"
<sighs> Evil Mike is so cool, isn't he? I hope one day I can be as evil as him. <Turns camera rudely on Lita> So what's this I hear about a haunted house?
#3016
Lita: Who the hell are you?
Date: 10/02/2003
From: Carmelita9000
...........................................................
TB: I'm Tucker's Brother.
Lita: Who the hell is Tucker?
TB: He's my brother. So what's this I hear about a haunted house?
Mickey: No, you say it like "Aaaaaa Haaaaunted Hooouu--
EM: That's enough Mickey. Nobody thinks it's funny anymore. It stopped being funny a long time ago. In fact, it was never funny.
Lita: I thought it was kind of funny.
EM: Well that shows how smart you are. Ow! Lita, don't hit! I meant, "Hey! That shows how smart you are! Yay, look at you!" :oD
Lita: Anyway, I don't think we should go around telling total strangers our business. Besides, you're creepy.
Mickey: I think he's kind of cool.
Lita: Oh, you do not!
Mickey: Yes I do!
Lita: You don't even know him! You just met him like three seconds ago!
Mickey: And yet I think he's cool.
Lita: Only to annoy me!
Mickey: Oh, yeah! Everything's always about you!
Tork: Will you guys just shut up?? <Mickey and Lita glare at Tork> Please?
Lita: Ok, here's what's up. See that big dead spider over there? <she poins at Spidey> That's Spidey. He's my car. And he rocks. But Tork went and crashed his stupid junkheap of a car into Spidey--
Tork: Don't say that about the Thunderbird II! Just because you're jealous of Nuveena!
TB: Who's Nuveen--
Lita: Anyway, Spidey is dead. And we could just repair him ourselves, but these three big men here are too lazy or they don't feel like it or something. So Mickey <Lita poins at Mickey, who waves at the camera> made a deal with Pharaoh Mobius--
TB: Who's Pharaoh Mob--
Lita: --that he'd fix Spidey for us, but only if we spent a night in a haunted house. Which sounds like a dumb idea to me.
Mickey: It's a great idea! Just give it a chance!
Lita: I don't want those ghosts to possess me or drag me into hell or tell me to kill myself and others!
Mickey: Pfft! That almost never happens!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
Green Light
Rimmi, I don't know if you spent the last month and a half in the deli telling everybody about your revenge campaign against Pharaoh Mobius, so I don't know if Tuckers Brother would know who he is. If he does know, please disregard his interruptions.
#3017
Ok. One quick fix.
Date: 10/02/2003
From: Carmelita8714
.............................................................
It has just been brought to our attention that the name of Nuveena's car that Tork drives is actually called the Firebird II, not the Thunderbird II.
<Lita8714 nails up signs that say "Firebird II" over every mention of "Thunderbird II" in the previous reply.>
Thank you, and good night.
Lita8714
#3018
EM: Screw this, I'm for PM's idea
Date: 10/02/2003
From: The_Subpar_Pumpkin
I nominate the new guy.
Tuckers_Brother: Wha...what????
Lita: Hey yeah!
Mickey: And if he survives, he can be in GROPE.
Lita: Well, I wouldn't go that far
Tuckers_Brother: I have to GROPE someone?
Mickey: Great! You're on board! Now I'll just call PM and....GAH!!!! Something just bumped into me!
Voice out of nowhere: Watch it turkey!
Mickey: Oh....
Sam: (Appearing) I'm here to lay on you turkies the top secret coordinates of the bitchin haunted house, ya dig?
Tuckers_Brother: ACK!!! One of the ghosts! Bust it! Bust it!
Tork: No...it's just...hey, you're right. He could be a ghost....GAH!!!! (Jumps behind the wreck of his car)
Lita: Ugh....must be fraidy cat time of year....
Sam: It's at....now lets see. (Fumbles around with the map), oh...it's over there (poins over there)
Evil Mike: You heard him, nerdy (Pushes Tuckers_Brother toward the haunted house)
Sam: Who's this turkey?
Mickey: Ummm...Gramps! Yeah! He had a makeover!
Evil Mike: Yeah...heh. That queer eye show.
Sam: Wow...hey welcome back, Gramps
Tuckers_Brother: I'm 18
Sam: Wow, you have been gone for awhile. Later, gators! (Leaves)
Lita: You heard him. Get to it Gramps!
Tuckers_Brother: I want my mommy!
Mickey T Gardener
BBoard Nice Guy
President of neato hot action clubs
Post Narc x4
Hey, Gramps is back!
Green Light
#3019
<Tucker's Brother's camera is unfocused>
Date: 10/04/2003
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
<But it finally focuses into an extreme closeup of Tucker's Brother's face, surrounded by darkness.>
TB: I just want to apologize to Mickey's mom and Lita's mom and my mom and I'm sorry to everyone. I was very naive. <He looks away from his camera scared> I was very naive and very stupid and I shouldn't have put other people in danger for something that was all about me and my selfish motives. I'm so sorry for everything that has happened because in spite of what Tork says now it is my fault. Because it was I thought staying in a haunted house would make me a man, and I insisted on everything. I insisted we weren't lost. I insisted we not leave. I insisted we stay in the house. Everything had to be my way and this is where we've ended up. And it's all because of me we're here now hungry and cold and hunted. I love you mom and dad. I am so sorry. It was never my intention to hurt any one and I hope that's clear. <Tucker's Brother begins to hyperventilate as mucus streams from his nostrils> I am so scared. What was that noise? I'm scared to close my eyes and I'm scared to open them. I'm going to die in this haunted house. Every night we just wait for them to come. <He breaks down and sobs. Abruptly, a hand enters the frame from one side and whaps him on the head.> Ow! Stop it you penis! <The camera turns and focuses on Evil Mike and Lita>
Lita: What the hell are you doing? You're supposed to be going into the haunted house now, not fooling around out here on the lawn!
TB: Look, I'm trying to set up the proper mood here, ok?
Lita: We don't have all the time in the world! If you really want to prove yourself to us--
TB: I never said I wanted to--
Lita: --then stop fannying about and get inside that haunted house!
EM: What's he doing?
Lita: Playing with that dumb camera--
EM: I mean what did you say he was doing? "Fannying about?" What the hell is that?
Lita: It's British slang for--
EM: Dude. Lita. I don't know if anybody ever told you this, but you're not British.
Lita: I know, I just--
EM: Thought talking like a British person would make you cool? It doesn't. Now I want you to say what you said again, only this time do it in American.
Lita: Ok, Fine. Tucker's Brother, quit... um... assing around, and get inside that haunted house!
EM: Much better.
Lita: Yeah, whatever Jackass.
TB: You guys have a really healthy relationship, don't you?
Lita: Oh, like you have a great record for choosing healthy relationships.
TB: *whisper* Shhh! You're not supposed to know that much about my character yet!
Lita: Oh yeah. Forget what I just said then. Also, quit stalling and go play with the ghosts! <she poins tword the haunted house>
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
Green Light
Thank you
http://www.brian-oshaughnessy.com/horror_scripts.html
for helping me with my rip-off-- er... reply.
#3020
Tuckers Brother: GAHuh???
Date: 10/04/2003
From: The_Subpar_Pumpkin
(Tuckers Brother looks around. He must've took a wrong turn heading into the Haunted House because it appears he wandered into...)
Tuckers_Brother: The Playboy Mansion????
PM: No....this is my private party.
Buffalo: Celabratin 25 years of villan stuph!
PM: Back in the corner. I'm still mad at you!
Nabut: Myliepeachpitge, where are these young women's clothes?
Tuckers Brother: Wow...look at those curtains....
(The room suddenly goes dark)
Voice: (Taps Tuckers Brother on the cheek) Hey kid!
Tuckers Brother: Huh wha?
Skully: BOO!!!!
Tuckers Brother: GAH!!!!!
Skully: Nah, I'm just messing with you, your alright! You passed out as soon as you walked in the door. You looked like you were having a crazy dream
Tuckers Brother: Wha...what do you want from me?
Skully: I'm your spirit guide! We're going on a quest!
Tuckers Brother: Really?
Skully: Yeah....(Under his breath) I can't believe he bought it..*ahem* (Normal voice) I'm going to show you what it would be like if you had never been born!
Tuckers Brother: Uh...ok
Skully: Yeah *snicker* But first! (Skully bites down on a lever, pulls it, and a trap door opens underneath Tuckers Brother)
Tuckers Brother: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!
Skully: There is a matter of a haunting to get to...
(Tuckers Brother falls into a dark room)
Tuckers Brother: Great? Now what? (The lights go on) I had to ask......
Voice: Graaaaaaaaaaaaaamps!!!!!!!!
Tuckers Brother: Mommy!!!!
Voice: You've been skunk'd!
Tuckers Brother: I'll call rape!
Voice: That's right! Skunk'd! PlehTV's newest prank show! I'm Spazton Cooper!
Tuckers_Brother: Don't hurt me! Wait...what???
Spazton: Don't you know who I am?
Tuckers Brother: Um....I do. I just want to see if you know who you are
Spazton: I'm very well known!
Tuckers Brother: Oh wait! You're the guy that's dating your mom! I know you!
Spazton: That's not my...nevermind. Damn nerds....(walks away)
PM: Well...Gramps. (Looks at Gramps) You've won Spidey's right to life back...
Tuckers Brother: Spiders????? Mommy!!!!!
PM: (Pulls a switch) There. That should do it. Wow...you look different without that wig and the dress... (PM's cell phone rings) Hello, and you've reached PHARA...hi, Lita...
Tuckers Brother: These people are weird....
Mickey T. Gardener
BBoard Nice Guy
President of the I Hate Dawn Club
President of the John Lee Supertaster Fan Club
Post Narc x4
Hey hey hey, it's Fat Albert!
Green Light
#3021
Just in time for the Holiday season
Date: 10/11/2003
From: Tork_110
(to the tune of Rudolph, the Red Nose Reindeer.)
You know Dingle and protest and Vivaldi etc.
Sammy and TT and Musashi88 and TheHumanBaboon.
But do you recall, the biggest asshole of all?
Greg and Stevie the Mistyboys,
had a lot of free time.
And if you opened their posts,
you'd hate them more than a mime.
All of the other posters, used to be really cheesed,
despite all of their pleadings, Mistyboy did as he pleased.
Then one tragic day, Mistyboy came to say,
"Instead of mourning for the dead,
please pay attention to me instead."
Then all the bboarders hated him,
(as well as they ought to be)
"Mistyboy, the annoying bastard,
you're a f***ing S.O.B.!!!!!"
Chorus: You're a f***ing S.O.B!!!
#3022
Mickey: Uh..uh ACK!!!!
Date: 10/23/2003
From: The_Subpar_Pumpkin
Evil Mike: What is it now, dumbass?
Mickey: I just had a crazy dream! I dreamt we all stopped existing for a few weeks!!!
Evil Mike: You're full of crap.
Tuckers_Brother: I had it too! I'm scared!!!!!
Tork: Me too. Hold me Lita!!!
Lita: Shutup, I'm trying to drive!!!!
Mickey: Doesn't Spidey have autopilot?
Lita: Well he does ha...shutup!!!!!!!!
MTG
BBNG
President of the IHD Club
President of the JLS Fan Club
PNx4
OK, OK, DMY
#3023
<Meanwhile, in a different universe>
Date: 10/26/2003
From: Tork_110
Lita: Oh EM, hold me! <cries>
<EM chokes back a tear of his own as he runs towards Lita and hugs her tight. All is silent besides Lita's crying, until...>
<An audience starts clapping. It starts slowly, but it gets louder and louder until Lita breaks character and faces the them. The audience applauses even louder and cheers.>
Lita: Thank you folks! Thank you! Litaland audiences are the best audiences!!
<The audience gets to their feet and cheers for several more minutes. Lita begs for them to calm down.>
Lita: We all had fun this week, but we all learned some important lessons. I learned that my selfishness blinded me to the most important things in my life. You can't buy happiness!
EM: YOU CAN'T?!!?
<Audience laughs>
Lita: Oh, Mike!
EM: I learned that you shouldn't trust Maytag repairmen.
Lita: You paid attention?
<More audience laughter>
Lita: I'm just kidding you, you silly. I learned that while it hurts at first, you have to let go of your loved ones when they say goodbye. And besides, let's give a big hand to Mindy, our newest cast member since Megan retired.
<Mindy runs on stage and the crowd goes wild. Mindy jumps up into Lita's arms.>
Audience: AWWWWWW!!!
Lita: That's ok Mindy! Down girl! heh heh.
<The audience laughs as EM looks grumpy during all this.>
Lita: And now our special guest star, Johnny Depp!
<Johnny Depp comes out, and several audience members whistle at him.>
Lita: Hi Johnny. thanks for being on our show.
Johnny: Thanks. I've learned something too. I learned that we should question everything that our president does.
EM: I learned that we should do everything the president says without question.
<EM and Mr. Depp look at each other, stunned. They put there hands on their cheeks, as if they were in a Home Alone movie. The audience laughs some more.>
Lita: You sillies. You don't have to be so stubborn. You can follow AND question.
EM and Depp: REALLY!!?
<the audience laughs some more.>
Lita: Do you see what I go through every week, folks? GOOD NIGHT!!! <blows a kiss>
Tork_110
I would give them an Emmy.
#3024
Just to clarify on that last reply...
Date: 10/26/2003
From: Creepylita9000
...........................................................
Mindy is a dog. A black standard poodle, like Megan. Also, despite the fact that at the moment she's still a puppy, she has grown like a weed and is absolutely huge right now. Even though Tork didn't mention it, I imagine that when Mindy jumped into my arms, I fell down.
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Dawn Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Spekkio Club
#3025
[PM] And what did you learn, Nabut?
Date: 10/28/2003
From: PharaohMobius
<<<Lesson Mode>>>
[Nabut] I learned that I'm kind of a prude in dream sequences. And that you do a lot of favors for your arch-enemies, my pliegepit.
[PM] And your poin? Anyway, what did you learn, Sam?
[Sam] I learned that the ice cream parlor worker you request "special toppings" from just *might* be a DEA agent.
[PM] Ouch! How about you, Rick? You learn anything?
[Rick] I learned that sometimes alcoholism is a *good* thing. Especially when the alcoholics you serve are good tippers.
[PM] Like you didn't know that before.
[Buffalo] Oh! Ah learned sumthin', boss!
[PM] *sigh* Okay, I'll bite. What did you learn, Buffalo?
[Buffalo] Ah learned thayat jus' because it says "pet-rolleyum jelly" on the jar, doesn't mean yew should eat it on a biskit.
[PM] And I learned that nothing surprises me about you, Buffalo.
TmPM
Sarcophagus!
Next up: What do you get when you cross an elephant with an RP?
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